So I know I kind of created this and then disappeared. The start of the year is always busy, my appologies. So when I created this it was because I all the sudden was feeling like an adult. When I watched Gilmore Girls reruns I started identifying with Lorelai instead of Rory. Part of what brought the revelation on was an event that happened several months ago. I drove my boyfriend to the airport. My long term, comitted, we-have-been-on-and-off-for-years-but-this-time-is-different, just got through months of long distance, wonderful boyfriend. It was just us, I kissed him at the gate, and it felt so natural. Then I got to my car and thought, “Holy hell, when did I get to this point in life?” Not in a bad way. Its just that you read the books and see the movies about relationships between adults and think, “maybe that will be me doing things like that someday.” So it’s strange when you find yourself doing the things those adult characters do and realizing that you have reached that someday.
So the point is that part of what made me realize that “when I grow up” isn’t some far off future was my long term, comitted relationship. Please don’t mistake me for someone who defines herself by her man. Its just that when I looked at this relationship, I relized how different it was from my past relationships (all two of them) that all now seemed so very young and naive. This relationship had a solid foundation based in friendship and communication. This relationship was with someone who loved me and who I loved in return. This relationship had the potential to go somewhere (or so I was led to believe). Fun story…. I got dumped.
Let me tell you if the relationship was different from my past reationships, the break up was even more so. One of the things he told me was, “You are just more mature than I am.” Yes, and? When did maturity become a deal breaker? Does this have to do with the “extended adolescence of the american male” that I have heard about? Do you just want to get trashed every weekend and not be reminded that sooner or later you have to step up to the plate and handle your shit? Not that I have anything against getting trashed, I just also go to work five days a week so I can pay rent. Does that make me too mature to be in a relationship with another twenty year old? Maybe so, after all I do identify with Lorelai now.
But yeah that happened. It sucked. Alot. However I have decided that this is a “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” moment. That relationship is part of what made me look back and realize how much I have grown up, but it is not what made me a grown up. I am doing that all on my own, no assistance required.
Thanks for reading my rambling feelings —- Sparrow
(Oh and hey ex-boyfriend, I know the chances of you seeing this are slim to none but I’m going to say my peice anyway. Happy Valentine’s Day jerkwad, I’m doing just fine without you.)
